Sunshine, Rainbows, and What I Want This Blog to Be

If you know me personally, you probably know I come off as almost always happy—“sunshine and rainbows,” as my friends and family like to put it. That’s been me for as long as I can remember—but especially in recent years, after moving away from home and really growing into myself.

Believe me…I have hard days, emotional days, and days where I’d rather hibernate in my apartment to decompress. But for whatever reason, I think I have always just found it easier to go through life choosing kindness and joy—even when it isn’t given back, or when it feels in short supply. 

Just to give you a little glimpse into how I approach the world, one game I like to play pretty often is where I smile at random people just to see if they’ll smile back. More often than not, people are too caught up in their own world to return the gesture. Growing up in Los Angeles, where a wave from a stranger in their front yard might genuinely catch you off guard, unlike the everyday warmth of the South, you kind of stop letting it get to you and take your wins where you can get ‘em.

A little over a year ago, I started my nursing career in a field that might sound like the hardest place to hold onto joy: pediatric oncology—children with cancer. I think part of me believed I could put my joy to work in a space that so desperately needed it—a place that’s missing a whole lot of sunshine and rainbows. Or maybe it was a sense of responsibility. I’ve been blessed with good health and a strong support system, and it felt like I could finally give back to those who (for reasons we’ll never fully understand), lost pieces of their childhood to hospital walls and the cruel presence of abnormal cells their doctors call by name.

Despite the heartbreak and darkness my unit holds, and coworkers of mine might be quick to disagree, I genuinely think I smile and laugh for nearly over half of my 12 hour shifts. Whether it's the inevitable night shift giggles, a brutally honest (hilarious) kid, or simply choosing to laugh through a chaotic day to keep myself from crying, I really do find so much joy in my job.

Starting out as a new grad nurse feels a lot like being thrown into the deep end and doing all that you can to stay afloat, no matter the endless support you know you have around you. At the end of the day, precious lives are in your hands. As someone who struggles under unfamiliarity and hesitates to ask for help, the learning curve was humbling right off the bat. On the ridiculously busy shifts, my goal was just to survive without crying in the supply room…Still is. It’s overwhelming. It’s exhausting. And it’s exactly what sparked the fire behind my writing.

I chose to launch this blog five months into the job and five months into my life in Atlanta, at a time when it still didn’t quite feel like home. I can’t say I had a clear vision in mind for Dose of Bella when the idea first came to me in December of 2024, but on a drive home from Birmingham, AL, I can remember being lost in my wandering thoughts and feeling like God was calling me to start writing again–this time vulnerably and honestly. 

I wanted other new grad nurses and twenty-somethings navigating post-grad life to feel less alone in their emotions of unknowingness and strangeness—something I was quietly struggling with myself at the time.

That’s when this blog became my safe place. A space where I didn’t have to always be joyful, but where I could be truthful, and also share the moments of joy I find in this season. I am not typically an emotional person, but there are posts I have written that have turned blurry in front of me, my eyes filling with tears of deep passion and intensity.

I’ve worked shifts where I’ve witnessed things no 23-year-old—no person, really—should ever have to see. I come home and decompress, and I wake up the next morning to write it all out. This is my outlet. I hope it inspires you to discover your own, but in some way, I also pray this blog becomes a refuge for you too, now and for years to come.

I love when non-nurses read my nursing posts and get a glimpse into what often feels like my “second life.” Nurses everywhere deserve so much recognition, and if I can help bring light to what we do, then I’ll keep writing about it.

I’d be lying if I said I never get caught up in the view count. Sometimes I’ll look at a post and think, more people would relate to this if they just came across it and read it. But then I remind myself—I ultimately started this for me, almost like my very own journal. But at the same time, when a new-grad nurse I hardly know yet tells me she reads my posts religiously and “finally feels seen,” the numbers stop mattering. That’s what it’s all about.

My prayer for this blog and its readers is that we can grow up together. That someday, I’ll go from writing about post-grad life and hitting my one-year mark as a nurse to mom life and being in this wonderful career for a whole decade. I pray that you’ll walk with me through it all, and that this space continues to be a place where you too can feel safe to reflect, relate, and be honest with yourself. May this corner of the internet always give voice to the unspoken and give you a sense of community. Maybe you will find not just a story to connect with, but perhaps a friend in me, too. :)

Whether you’ve stopped by to feel seen, to explore someone else’s world, or simply to hit pause on your own life for a moment, I hope you always leave feeling a little lighter, a little more understood, and a little more inspired.

Thank you for being here.

With love,

Dose of Bella